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Eatus Fetus

by Eatus Fetus

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1.
We've got an idea for the military; a new kind of stealth technology. Oh, how surprised they would be to find grenades strapped to a baby! Subtler than an airplane, deadlier than anthrax Agent Orange is nothing compared to infant attacks! Grenades tied to babies! Goo goo ga ga goo goo BOOM! Goo goo ga ga goo goo BOOM! Our first attempt went really well at the sorority house, where we rang the bell. We left the baby on the porch, and all the Barbie girls got torched! Blow up your ex-boyfriend, detonate your teacher, Incinerate your landlord, or bomb your local preacher! We decided to expand our operation: babies of every color, creed and nation. We send the babies to their damnation by bombing an entire Mormon congregation. Faster than a virus, more creative then a car bomb, Cuter than Bin Laden, with babies you can't go wrong! Babies in Prenzlauerberg, babies in the mall, babies in Beijing and on the Great Wall, Babies on a cruise ship, swimming to the islands, babies in tourist traps, babies in the Highlands, Babies in your neighborhood, babies in the streets, Babies in your car park and at your track meets, Babies at the circus, babies at the fair, babies at the swimming pool, babies EVERYWHERE!!! We're getting really good at adoption. We give pregnant teens another option. The world's best chance of population reduction, we provide babies of mass destruction! More terrifying than torture, more satisfying than a gun shot, Like a suicide bomber, but shorter. TNT strapped to tots!
2.
The Office (Corporate Gang Bang) We’re all wondering who spiked the coffee Last night at the company party. Could it be Ned from accounting? He always seemed like he would like a good pounding, Or maybe Jackie from HR’s a good bet. She was tying Tim up with her fishnets. Milton pulled up a power point presentation Describing the synergy of mutual masturbation. At the Corporate Gang Bang – We’ll have a good time. At the Corporate Gang Bang – You’ll get to unwind. At the Corporate Gang Bang – We’ll all get undressed. At the Corporate Gang Bang – It’s your path to success. Everyone in mergers and acquisitions Was jockeying for the best market position. It started out as a team-building exercise With rapid market penetration between Kate’s thighs. Brainstorming a simple mind mapping Quickly turned into lots of ass slapping, and a fast education from the CEO When the interns drank from his fire hose. In the morning we got a stern debriefing By the chairman of the board at our company meeting. At the water cooler gathering the admins found The Head of Sales still gagged and bound. All night he had found no relief. Turns out, you can’t cry out with a ball gag in your teeth. There was job security for the guys in IT, With photocopies of their boss’s pussy. Our market share would plummet if anyone knew The other uses we put our products to. There was employee turnover in finance. They just couldn’t seem to keep it in their pants. We’re a cutting edge company, dynamically empowered Now that all of our trainees have been deflowered. You’ve never seen this in a Dilbert strip. We gave new meaning to flexible leadership. I was always such a good girl… don’t laugh, I really was! I worked hard in school. On Friday nights, you wouldn’t find me partying. Oh, no! I was in the library studying! And it worked! I got excellent grades, and I graduated TOP of my class. When I went job hunting, I got hired at my first choice company. Imagine, me, starting out in middle management! It was like a dream come true! They praised me for my qualifications, When they recruited me for this prime position. I had such high aspirations, But all they really wanted was my jism.
3.
Better Living Through Pharmaceuticals I can’t concentrate – Where’s my methylphenidate? Ritalin, Ritalin – You know just how my thoughts spin. If that doesn’t bring the calm – maybe try some Adderall. Of course I have ADHD – after all, it’s so trendy. When I feel ill, I take a chill pill. A Xanax helps me to relax. I’m a big fan of Lorazepam, Or give me some of that Valium. Better living through pharmaceuticals; A little of the good stuff keeps the world going round. In my cabinet there must be something suitable; A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down The medicine go down, the medicine go down A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down In the most frightful way. Prozac, Paxil, Zoloft, Effexor Wellbutrin, Cymbalta, St. John’s Wort All my problems could be fixed If I found the perfect mix. Doctor, please, there’s something wrong. Better give me something strong. Bring me peace, make me whole. Do it now, save my soul. Cipralex, a Faverin, and Dexedrine in doses, Even though the side effects can sometimes cause psychosis. Throwing drugs at problems is a type of diagnosis. Cipralex, a Faverin, and Dexetrine in doses I know I’m not the only one who uses Vicodin for fun, Or fills the need with an amphetamine. You need to be a better fuck? Viagra helps keep it up! When you need to go to sleep, pray Ambien your soul to keep.
4.
When I’m sad and feeling blue, There’s one thing that I always do. I’ll tell you my secret, if you promise to keep it: Blood and pain work for me. You should try it and you will see. Everybody stares at me, Cause when I’m sad I like to bleed. I keep a stack of razor blades by my bed. They always like a charm. Yeah they do! You should see the gashes up and down my arms. Blood and pain work for me. You should try it and you will see. Everybody stares at me, Cause when I’m sad I like to bleed. I don’t want therapy. I don’t want help. When I think about you, I cut myself. You won’t see Prozac sitting on my shelf. When I think about you, I cut myself. It’s okay to feel lost and alone. Everybody gets depressed. I get really depressed! Just take a razor, and cut yourself. Blood and pain work for me. You should try it and you will see. Everybody stares at me, Cause when I’m sad I like to bleed.
5.
Who do you think you are, strutting around like you’re some kind of star? You got places go to, so many people to see, but you mean less than nothing to me. You’re the dog shit on the sole of my shoe. All I can find is a bolt when what I need is a screw. Yeah, you annoy me a little bit, but you’re ultimately insignificant. Yeah, maybe you have a nice ass, but that don’t give you a free pass. What makes you think that you can treat me that way, When I’m the one that’s getting all the play? You’re the dog shit on the sole of my shoe. You’re all the promises that don’t come through. You are a misogynist, and you’re ultimately insignificant. You think that you’re so fine, checking the mirror all the time, But you don’t have a fucking clue; no one else is looking at you. I’m gonna wipe you off; I’m gonna wipe you out. I’m gonna clue you in; I’m gonna tune you out. You’re just a piece of meat; you look nice, but you shouldn’t speak. You’re not worthy of this beat; you’re a primate that’s in heat. You’re the dog shit on the sole of my shoe. You’re somebody’s misspelled tattoo. This song’s over, so get bent, cause you’re absolutely, positively, undeniably, quintessentially, irrevocably, indescribably, ultimately insignificant.
6.
Kitty Cat 05:06
Kitty cat, kitty cat, do you want a treat? I’ll give you something good to eat. I know that cats love the taste of fish Come on kitty, you know you want to eat it. Plenty of people have gone down on me. I’ve tried vibrators with multiple speeds. But now I know I’ve found the answer, because Nothing gets me off quite like my kitty does. Kitty cat, kitty cat, you bring me such joy. I’m gonna buy you a shiny new toy. Let’s go down to your favorite store, And get you some kitty porn. Here, kitty… Here, kitty…. I’ve got a surprise for you. You wanna see it? It’s over here. Woo!!!! Oh, kitty. OH KITTY!!! Good kitty! Kitty cat, kitty cat, am I going to hell? We both enjoy it, and you do it so well. You and me, kitty, we have so much fun. You drive me crazy with your sandpaper tongue!
7.
You’re sick, and twisted, fucked up and weird. You’re strange, demented, quirky and queer. With me, you’ll never have to apologize, ‘Cause I wouldn’t want you to be otherwise. Let’s be sick fucks together. Let’s be messed up forever. Till we’re old and gray, always stay this way. Let’s be sociopathic And so melodramatic, Everyone can see this was meant to be. Let’s stand out in the crowd, And always way too loud. Let ‘em notice us, let ‘em make a fuss. Let’s be really shocking And subversively mocking. We can act like fools and break all the rules. We are like the royalty of our own little kingdom, Making a reality of anything we think of. History and secrets and the in-jokes that we share, Talented and maladjusted, what a perfect pair.
8.
So you think you can handle me? Well, I can be too much sometimes. Let me give you a little hint, I’ve got a wicked body, and a wickeder mind. I’m highly addictive and totally unhealthy. I should come with more warnings than an entire fucking pharmacy. I’m dangerous, and damaging, and potentially life-threatening, But I can guarantee we’ll have a good time. When I play, I don’t pull my punches. I’ve been known to break my toys. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, I play with men, not little boys. Come into my parlor, said the spider to the fly. It feels so good when I suck you dry. Who knows, if you stay with me, you might regret it, But I promise you, you will never forget it. Let’s go a little crazy. You’ll get the ride of your life. Lock and load, cause I’m ready to go Take a walk on the wild side.
9.
Crush 05:14
I’ve got a crush on you. I know I shouldn’t, but it’s true. I can look, but I won’t touch. It doesn’t really mean that much To have a crush on you. I have a crush on you. I just don’t know what I should do. Maybe just a little kiss wouldn’t go too far amiss. After all, it’s just a kiss or two. I’ve got a crush on you, and I think you feel it too. Maybe just a little petting could help me to stop this fretting. I think you’d know just what to do. I’ve got a crush on you. Now we have this rendezvous. Maybe just a little fuck would get me out of this rut. What do you mean, you don’t want to???! Are you fucking kidding me? Seriously? I will destroy you! You little bitch, you’ll go this far, and then just walk away? FUCK YOU!!!
10.
So, you were blowing him in the bathroom when I walked in. You turned to me with spooge dripping off your chin. I wanted to have a taste, So I licked it off your face. Your mouth tastes like his dick - and I like it. Your mouth makes me sick - and I fight it. Seeing you on your knees… Oh, baby, what a tease. Your mouth tastes like his dick - and I like it. You were muff diving by the pool when I got out. The crimson tide was smeared all over you snout. It looked like cherry pie, so I went in for a try. Your mouth tastes like her blood – and I like it. You are such a slut – and I fight it. But watching you tongue her clit… Oh, baby, it makes me wet. Your mouth tastes like her blood – and I like it. Your kisses always used to be so sweet. I used to satisfy all your needs. Now all you want to do is eat. You’ve got a hungry mouth that feeds and feeds and FEEDS! I found you giving him a rim job in the van. His fudge had unpacked all over your hands. I didn’t like the smell, but I figured, what the hell. Your mouth tastes like shit – and I like it. You’re a nasty bitch – and I fight it. But kissing chocolate goo… Baby, I really must love you. Your mouth tastes like shit – and I like it.

credits

released November 15, 2014

Performances by
Rag Doll Rachel, vocals
Joey the Marionette, vocals
Locomotive Kenny, guitar
Mad Hatter Gerrit, guitar
Tom the Glamotron, bass
Batienne, drums
Demon Toy Sara, additional drums
Daria the Wunderdoll, additional vocals

A special thank you to Jared von Hindman, Matt DuBord, Wyatt Peterson, Neal Brown, Peter Luyt, Amy LaBranche, Roland Ferrand, Udo Hansen, Andy Jones, Markus Werner, Thomas Bölker

Songs written by
Rachel von Hindman, Johanna Blackstone, Kenny Stanger, Gerrit Haasler, Tom Williamson

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Eatus Fetus Berlin, Germany

This twisted toy box of demented musicians from the US, Britain and Germany come at you with their burning blend of punk- rock and opera with an in-your-face, fucked-up cabaret performance. Our music will touch you in your deepest, darkest places, where most dare not go. ... more

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